What would you do today if you didn’t have a life full of should?
My days used to be full of shoulds, created from a place of wanting what I now had, or not knowing what I wanted so creating a life I ‘should’ want. Most of the time I was relatively happy, mostly in love, loving my children, and with friendships that seemed to be what I should want.
Until one day it wasn’t enough anymore. Although even that is not the whole truth, I believe I knew deep down for a long time that I wanted more, little glimpses of a life I chose every day, a life that lit me up and made me want to be out of bed every morning (or alternatively not leave bed for a whole day 😉) I wanted connections that grew me and made me question things, a relationship that challenged me and a friends that didn’t play games or try to keep each other small.
I wanted a different way of mothering, a different way of relating to my babies; who were suddenly turning into teenagers and big kids. I wanted to slow down, go from my gut, not be caught up in the speed of life around what it is to be a mother. I wanted to pause, stop and refuse the ‘busy’ that kept me from being with my kids, and from learning about who my children were when they came home. Every day a slightly different version of themselves, slightly older, slightly wiser, a little more grown, different from this morning. Like all of us really.
I wanted to have a glass of wine because I felt like tasting it in my mouth and not because it was 5 o’clock and thank God I am finally able to numb my life out. A life I didn’t even realise was already numb. It’s nobody’s fault that it got to that. It just was.
And its the same story across Australia with women getting a glimpse here and there of what they would love to have but not sure how to get it. And it comes out in shopping addictions, alcohol overuse, numbing out on Netflix binges, etc. Now mind you there is nothing wrong with any of these things. If you’re here looking for someone who is happy to shame other women, keep moving, you won’t find it with me. Some nights I choose to binge Supernatural on Netflix because that is what I want to do, but I know the difference in my body when I am doing it because I couldn’t be bothered thinking about doing something more productive, or because I am bored with my life and its a good distraction.
So over the last 3 years I have changed my life significantly, although I am about to make a major decision and move back to the place my children’s father lives and create a new co-parenting relationship for them that I thought I would never do. Never say never, thats the saying. I’d have to agree right now.
So knowing that there are no longer any should’s in my life, what does it look like?
Well….I choose to pay the rent so we have a beautiful home and the action to do so is to work. That work also gives me access to money for electricity, water and many other things. I choose to engage with my children by playing Thriller while they learn the moves and I cook dinner. I choose to move 40 minutes up the road to give my children something more generous and more free. Should is now a completely dirty word in my house, if I hear ‘should’ from anyone, I enquire as to where they are at without hestiation….
So tell me loves, what shouldn’t you do today that would make you smile if you did?